Ask HN: Advice for someone entering their 30s

Travel now.

Stop compare yourself to other people. Don't worry about what other people are doing or what other people want.

Some people are married with 3 kids. Some people are making a million a month. Some aren't able to hold down jobs and living with their grandparents.

Most of us will never get everything we want. I've accepted I've made certain choices and I'm probably never going to have a family.

But I'm lucky in other aspects.

Don't lose friends over politics. I'm very liberal, but liberal "friends"/companies have screwed me over more times than I can count. Judge the person, not the party.

Don't worry about approval from others. That's got to be the best part of getting older. Not everyone will like you, and that's great.

Be grateful for the ones who do.

- if you're in a relationship and you haven't already, speak to your partner about kids. I've met too many people who left it too late. - plan for your retirement, even if it's a little bit each month. Also, I've met too many people who left it too late. - find a hobby, find a club, find a society. You won't know anyone at first, but over time if you keep going, you will. - try not to be so dogmatic about things.

Remember - you're only 30, you've still got time.

Have kids. Scary and a beat down at first but man they’re amazing and give life a whole new meaning.

Really start listening to your body more than you ever have. Little bumps and bruises take longer to heal and can turn into permanent aches/injuries if not treated right.

Maintain your network. Your network is maturing and becoming incredibly value.

Good people are found, not changed, built, or nurtured. Don't get blindsighted thinking in terms of people's potential. If they are not what you want today, they will never become.

Hence, your best bet is to explore but be picky about who you'd want in your life, in your job/business/friend/relationship, etc.

Don't listen to anyone's advice.

If you don't like traveling, don't travel. If you don't want kids, don't have kids.

There's no such thing as wasted time because you get to pick what you do with your time. If you choose to do it, how can it be a waste?

You'll be dead in 50 years. Do what you want to do, not some idealized version of being in your 30s.

In the last year I did a lot of thinking along these lines (I’m 30 for context).

Until now I’ve spent a lot of my focus chasing credentials, even if I didn’t really realize that.

For example, having good schools, companies, etc (YC even!) on the resume.

All of that served me well, but I think now it’s important to switch to harvesting some of the fruits of that labor and deciding what I inherently want to pursue.

I get joy out of a bunch of things; spending time with my family, running a business, even learning and listening to my favorite podcasts. I’m much more focused on doing things that bring me joy now, and the choices I make are in service of that.

A few things I read last year that were influential for me:

Obituary for a Quiet Life (relatively short): https://bittersoutherner.com/feature/2023/obituary-for-a-qui...

Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey

The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter

My tl;dr is really just the pursuit of love, joy, good health, and good money.

Maintaining and making new friends will become more difficult soon as the responsibilities of mid-life impact your peers.

Go deep into a single hobby that brings you intense joy and puts you in social situations. Don't dabble in a few and don't focus on ones you can do yourself.

Start connecting with people (like sending out birthday cards, celebrating milestones) and catching up with close friends or family more intentionally. Put effort into building and maintaining relationships.

Lastly, try and be a bit more unfocused. I tried too hard to live a "fulfilling" life in my 30s and felt like I spent a lot of energy and time on the wrong things.

Hm, it really depends. What is your situation? Like, my early 30's were about trying to keep job while being in a failing marriage with a small kid.

I would give somebody in my situation different advice than i.e. single guy just promoted to first ~senior position in his second job after college.

If/when you have kids, let them pull you out of your world. Don't skimp on time and attention for them because you're trying to protect your own mental space.

Failure to let them have my attention is my biggest regret from my 30s.

Health Wealth Relationships

Prog G talks about this topic a lot.

In your 30s you should be in a big city with like minded peers, in an office meeting people, making friends and if you are single, meeting people you are into.

You should be in the best shape of your life.

So in summary

Make sure you spend some time each week in an office Make sure you are spending time getting into shape Make sure you are dating if you are single

If you want to get kids, make sure you make substantial amount of progress in your career/life objectives, or get kids as early as possible, like now.

Kids are a huge time sink and you might not enjoy the experience, so better get the important things done first.

Invest as much as possible in retirement accounts. Compound interest is an amazing thing.

Eat, drink and be merry – preferably with good friends and family. Always be open to new things (within reason). Get basic finances in order (pension, savings and investments), but don't overdo the planning. Be careful who you're friends with – avoid narcissistic types as much as possible. Be yourself, but keep boundaries.

That's what's I'd say to 29 year old me.